Like a lot of families, one of our New Year’s resolutions was to cook more. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet gotten around to the “finding recipes” or “buying ingredients” portion, we were left with our staples: pasta, bean burrito, “Indian thing,” scrambled eggs, or risotto. We’ve been surviving on pasta and beans since Christmas (illness, rather than poverty), and so we decided risotto.
All I know about risotto is that Gordon Ramsay really gets salty when a contestant botches it on Hell’s Kitchen. I don’t blame him, I’d be sore if contestants on my cooking show didn’t watch my other cooking show before coming on. For that matter, so would any network executive that gave me a cooking show. But I digress. Suffice it to say that Jill usually cooks the risotto, so I was off the hook. Except that she had to call her mother.
Jill explained thus:
1. Dice up half an onion, throw it in a sauce pan with some olive oil.
|1b. No, you fool! Not a pan! A saucepan! These are different things! Words mean things!|
2. Add a cup of arborio rice, make sure it gets coated in the oil
3. Simmer a thing* of vegetable broth, add 1/3 to the rice
4. Stir until your arm falls off and/or the broth is absorbed
5. Add 1/3 of the remaining broth to the rice
6. Stir until your other arm falls of and/or the broth is absorbed
|Obviously, I am a professional food photographer.|
7. Add remaining broth, figure out how to stir with your feet.
8. Add some frozen peas, or some parmesan, or whatever, just give me the damn phone already
|Hey! It actually tastes like risotto!|